Owen Judah's Birth Story

My "theme" for preparing for Owen's arrival during my pregnancy was the desire to bring more "peace" into our home. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was honestly starting to wonder if nearly everything was going to end up being opposite of that.

Instead, God proved Himself Sovereign again and every tiny detail of our prayers were answered (no, not in the way we asked), but in amazing ways.

I was due with Owen on the 18th, and for so many reasons was VERY ready for him to be here by the time that date rolled around. I had already been to Labor and Delivery twice at this point and was feeling relieved and grateful to be experiencing so many signs of labor that I hadn't had with Adrian. On the morning of the 19th, I started having pretty severe contractions where I was counting and slowly breathing through them for hours. Finally, after about 5 hours, once they were 2-3 minutes apart, I woke Nick and told him he should probably get a shower because I was sure this was "it". I called my mom, she agreed, and we all hit the road within the next hour.

By the time I got to Labor and Delivery, contractions were 3 minutes, then 4, then 8 minutes apart. I was released to go home. We were VERY sad. I called mom, who was already on the road and told her the news. She said that she and my sister had decided to come anyways because they were sure it was soon! I was so relieved and grateful.

All weekend, nothing happened. Consistent Braxton Hicks contractions and increased discomfort, but no more "this is it" feeling. The doctor decided to give me an induction date of Christmas Eve. We all prayed and prayed that our sweet son would come a little earlier so that he could have his very own special day, but God's timing is perfect even in this! Wonder of wonders, my mom worked it out to be able to stay for Owen's birth, and Kayla's sweet husband drove all the way to pick her up so she could be home with her family for Christmas.

I slowly released my desire to NOT be in the hospital on Christmas day, and have been getting very excited about the sweet new traditions our family will be able to have around this time of year. By Monday morning, Nick and I were completely peaceful. We called in to make sure I could come in for the induction and were given an hour to be there, so we went out to breakfast at Waffle House - what a fun little memory!

To back track a little bit, I was SO SO thankful for Adrian's natural birth. It was fast, pretty easy, and I felt a true sense of accomplishment to be able to labor and deliver "naturally" without an epidural even though I was induced with him. I knew this time that I would probably have back labor because of Owen's position, but I assumed if I could do it once, I could do it twice naturally. Nick and I went through every effort to attempt to have a water birth at home, but once we found out our insurance wouldn't cover it, we trusted the Lord with another hospital birth that was as natural as possible.

We were admitted at 6:00am and I was immediately given pitocin. I was 3cm and 60% effaced when I got to the hospital so we all braced ourselves for a very fast labor and delivery (Adrian's was 4 hours from water breaking to pushing). By 3pm, I was only maybe 4cm and still very thick.  By this time, the contractions were truly unbelievable. Our labor and delivery nurse was *very* concerned about having Owen constantly on the monitors and wouldn't let me out of bed or move at all through the contractions because I was "on pitocin" and she needed to hear the heartbeat constantly. This was a major blow to my plans for pain management, as I had been given permission to rock, walk, sway and move around the bed the entire time through Adrian's pitocin-induced contractions and fully expected to have the same freedom this time. I found a little comfort in shaking Nick's fingers back and forth and letting my head rock slowly, but I wasn't allowed to lean forward to ease the pressure off my back. Needless to say, when I was offered the epidural, I very reluctantly decided I had reached my limit and agreed to it. I felt defeated as this was NEVER in my plans, but I feel like things would have gone very differently if I hadn't given in.

At 4pm, I was checked again and was still 4cm and only 80% effaced. The doctor suggested that because he was "sunny side up" and probably pretty big, I would need a c section if I did not progress to 8 cm by 8pm. This was discouraging to be given so little time when I had had so little progression all day so far. Of all the reasons for the decisions we made for our birth, avoiding a c-section was the biggest one. I was really overwhelmed that this could be a possibility for me.  My nurse asked how I felt about it and I explained I was trying to come to terms with it, and she said "Oh I'm so glad...it's so great that you're so flexible".

Nick and Mom started texting friends and family and updating facebook, pleading for your prayers. Very shortly, a complete peace covered me completely and I felt a peace that whatever the outcome, we would figure it out and be just fine. Nick and I accepted the fact that I would have to have the surgery more likely than not. At 7:30, there was a shift change and a new nurse visited our room. She was witty and encouraging and as our previous nurse left, she said "work your mojo!" - apparently, the nurse we had all day had a reputation for having patients that ended up with c-sections, and our new nurse had a reputation of having patients who ended up with very fast natural deliveries. We were all encouraged by her optimism.

At 8pm, the nurse checked me and we all expected to be told that we were going to have to have the section. Instead, she said, "you're about a 7-8"! We all broke down in tears of thankfulness and relief. I couldn't believe something so big had happened so fast! I decided to rest a bit in case it was still a while until he was ready to be born, but as I lay there it was only about 5 or 10 minutes before I started feeling a lot of pressure. After complaining about it a few times, Mom went and got the nurse, and everything started happening fast. The nurse exclaimed that he was right there, ready to be born, and the doctor came in and everything was set up. I asked for a mirror, and it was truly amazing to actually see my son be born - it also really helped me figure out how to push with the epidural.

Owen Judah was born at 8:57pm. He weighed 9lbs 3oz and was 20.5 inches long. He has a head full of really beautiful dark hair and is SO SO calm and relaxed. We are all loving him, and Adrian is adjusting really well. 

Thank you to those who carried us to the throne in prayer and literally kept us from a very scary situation for us. Thank you for your sweet words and kindness during our waiting time, and for loving on our little family. God is so good and I love how He uses our friends and family to show it!

34 Weeks Pregnant!

34 Weeks Pregnant! ALMOST THERE!
I remember the last 6 weeks (turned out to be 8 in the end) went the very longest when I was pregnant with Adrian.

What's going on: Owen is head down and sideways so I feel his cute little elbows and knees all day long. He seems to have gotten MORE active the bigger he's gotten so it's getting a little painful, but I feel like I've bonded with him in a deeper way since I can feel him so strongly. Adrian is LOVING the gigantic belly and often gives "Owie" kisses and hugs and loves to rub lotion on it. It's officially nearly impossible to hold him in my lap unless he's calm and snuggly - no more room!

I had an appointment with the midwife today that was very encouraging. I've done even more research on childbirth this pregnancy (I thought I had exhausted all the info there was when I was pregnant with Adrian) and had recently become concerned that I would be unable to labor/deliver in whatever position I pleased since it was "hospital policy" that I had to push and deliver while laying flat on my back, legs high in the stirrups. Today I mentioned my birth plan to the midwife and she asked what issues are most important to me, and she told me that not only would it be fine for me to labor in whatever position I wanted, but she'd encourage it. I am SO thankful. She also said she would be happy to delay cord clamping and thanked me for doing my research :) She also didn't blink an eye when I told her I didn't want him to receive the Hepatitis B Vaccine - Thank you Lord! I'm grateful that even though we are unable to have the home birth I desired, it looks like we will be able to have a calm, healthy labor and delivery that's pretty close to as natural as possible.

30 Weeks Pregnant!

30 Weeks Pregnant!

This feels like a big week for me - I'm 3/4 of the way through the pregnancy, with only 10 weeks (maybe less) to go. When I think about how I was 19 weeks when we went to visit family in Waynesville, and how I was 25 weeks when we had our little preterm labor scare, it feels like this will just fly by!

When I was 30 weeks with Adrian, I tore my rib muscle. I'm very grateful that this pregnancy has been much easier so far than Adrian's was - what a blessing!

I've started experiencing morning sickness this week for the first time between both boys. I've felt nauseous both times but never actually got sick and this week I've been sick several times. It's almost funny to me! Thankfully, I don't feel bad before or afterwards.

Adrian has been really sweet towards me and Owen specifically this week. Yesterday when I got sick, I was sitting in the middle of the kitchen with Nick helping me and he told Adrian, "be sweet to Mama" and Adrian came over and rubbed my back and shoulders until I got up. Sweetest boy ever. He also came over to me this morning and lifted my shirt to kiss my belly - oh my, that made me cry! No prompting for that whatsoever. I don't know how much he understands about what's going on, but he sure is being a precious sweetheart about it!

I am almost done with Owen's nursery. I have to organize the last few things, but his bed is made and his curtains are up and the sweet itty bitty things have filled his drawers. Even though he won't be sleeping in his crib for a little while, it feels good to have most of it done. Now I mostly have to focus on the continued cleaning and organization.

I feel like I'm learning a little more about Owen's personality. He's been a bit hard to figure out since he doesn't respond to something as obvious as music like Adrian did (he does react to it, he just doesn't have a dance party in there like Adrian). The other day I was laying on my side and Owen had his foot low in my pelvis and started rhythmically rubbing it back and forth, back and forth for about half an hour. He's already on a pretty predictable awake/sleep schedule and seems content to snuggle in his favorite places (mostly my right side). I think he'll be our little cuddler with a very sweet tender heart. Of course, I can't really say for sure, but that's my guess.

Lastly, we might be making some changes to our birth plan. I don't really want to write about it yet until we know how things will work out, but I'm very excited about it! It's amazing to me how the Lord orchestrates the little things. Thankful!

29 Weeks Pregnant!

This week has been another full one for baby Owen. I had my glucose/gestational diabetes test (which for some reason I was worried about) and I passed by a wide margin. I asked the midwife to check if he was head down yet and he was laying side to side at the appointment, but I know he still has a lot of room to turn! I went to bed last night thinking that maybe I would make it through this pregnancy without my pelvis opening and cracking like it did with Adrian - but, that wishful thinking ended this morning. Sweet baby boy is getting big!

Surprisingly, I'm finding myself mourning Adrian's single-childness a little bit. I'm trying to treasure these last days where for the most part, it's just he and I during the day. I can tell he doesn't realize that his Mama has a baby on the way, but he does notice my stomach and has seen Owen kick once (it was a large body roll and he ran over and smacked my stomach, wide-eyed and worried). He has been a lot more clingy lately, and is in a definite mama-mode. I'm loving his snuggles and attention and am praying for a peaceful transition for both he and I as we welcome this precious precious little person into our family! 

We found a crib and a changing table at an amazing deal and Nick got it all set up in his little room! It looks great. I'm thinking of ways to calm the obnoxious wood paneling on the walls and I think I might lean on pinterest for some good garland ideas to break up the space. 

Like this? With baby blues?

I started going through all Adrian's newborn clothes and have been slowly getting things put away. 

I'm starting to feel a tiny bit nesty, but at the same time I've been feeling really really exhausted. Nick has been really encouraging by reminding me that if he was born today, we really do have everything in place to be completely okay - which is true. Everything may not look pretty, but we'd be ready! I still want to "stock up" on a few things, but that will all come.

One thing I've been buying a lot from online garage sales is fleece sleep sacks and swaddle blankets. Most of Adrian's newborn sleepers are light-weight, so instead of buying a whole new wardrobe of fleece sleepers, I'm hoping to just be able to put sleep sacks over his lighter clothes to keep him warm. I'm thankful it doesn't get very cold here in Jacksonville.

I'm looking forward to changing some of my methods I used with Adrian when he was a newborn. I'm embracing the part of my personality that is NOT a scheduler and am looking forward to nursing. Since my experience nursing Adrian was in a word...terrible, I've been praying for a lot of endurance and confidence in my future experience of Owen. All in all, my word for this newborn season is "peace"...while with Adrian I tried to do everything by the book and perfect, I will be focusing a lot more on keeping everyone happy and calm and cared for. There will be peace in this home! I'm excited about that!

I re-watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born" (I watched it while pregnant with Adrian) and am getting excited all over again. I was starting to feel a little fearful of the pain of childbirth since I know what to expect this time, but re-learning everything inspired me and I'm back on track again!  I also watched several really beautiful natural childbirths on youtube - made me wish I had the option to have a water birth! I'm going to be talking to my midwife in the next few weeks about using a squatting bar in the hospital instead of delivering on my back - I know the hospital will frown on it because it's not as easy for them to catch the baby, but I think it will make it a lot easier for me.

I thought I'd be a lot more crafty by this point, but I'm just not. I had visions of making tons of new baby blankets and home made swaddlers but I haven't even pulled out my machine! I did find an easy tutorial for paci clips on pinterest so I will whip out a few of those soon - it'd be cute to have ones that matched different outfits.

http://projectsbyjess.blogspot.com/2011/02/binky-clip-solution.html

My To Do list for this month includes:
-Finish organizing Owen's room and putting all his clothes away.
-Start putting things aside for his hospital bag.
-Finalize birth plan and start talking to the midwives about home remedies for GBS, options for using the squatting bar or having a water birth (if possible).
-Make a list (at least) of what to include in gift baskets.

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music.  

~William Stafford

(In honor of my little washing machine dancer.)

Adrian is 18 Months!!

Wow - my sweet, precious, crazy, adorable baby boy is a year and a half already! I don't want to forget this milestone. He has grown so fast.

Dear Precious Boy,
HAPPY 18 MONTHS!
 

We love you so much. We love that you've grown so fast and we can't imagine our world without you!

We love how you need snuggles before bedtime and can't go to sleep without a little song.

- We love how you're learning to talk more and more. You can say "Sit", "out", "hot", "Cat", "mama", "dada", "yes", "this", "that", "what's that", "have this" and many many more you've invented for your little language. We love hearing you talk. You are starting to refer to yourself as "baybaybee", which is funny to us as we rarely call you"baby". You also started saying "Ohh, Ghee Ghee" when I tickle you - we both love that. You are copying a lot of what we say too. This past week you've said "mama's eyes", "baby's eyes", "broom", "Owen", "cold", "get you" (after hearing me say "mama's gonna get you" when I was chasing you), "uh oh", and a few other words. You love mastering a word.

- You are starting to get more determined. You know exactly what you want.

- You LOVE music. One of my favorite things that you started doing recently is reaching out your hand for me to hold it across the back seat as I'm driving. We hold hands and rock out to the radio in the car. I love that!

- You love your daddy! I love to see you wrestle and play with him. You are very good at playing ball and you love to play all the time.

- You are very into copying everything we do. If we move a certain way, or joke a certain way, you want to be doing it right along with us! You even like to take off your Daddy's shirt when he comes home from work so you can wear it. You look so cute in his over sized giant clothes and you feel so proud!

- You love dancing! You love to spin and wave your arms and always have the biggest smile on your face when you do it. You are still our precious music man! You always melt my heart when you ask me to dance with you. Many of our afternoons are spent swaying to the silly songs we play on Pandora.

- Your best friend is Isabell. You love to follow her around and copy everything she does. We're so thankful you have such a little buddy and hope all our kids have friendships like that in every stage of their lives! It's really fun to watch the two of you interact together.

- You LOVE to brush your teeth! We usually brush them for you after bath time and then you always try to do it yourself afterwards for a good ten minutes or so! Your toothbrush plays an "ABC" song and you've started trying to sing along. You are so cute trying to sing "A, see, see, see, dooga dooga dooga" so sincerely.

- You are a little man of routine. You have a specific routine for every room you walk into - you insist on having the fan and the A/C on every time you enter your room and you have a similar routine for other rooms (the kitchen, the nursery at church, the bathroom).

- You suddenly don't like being dirty - it stresses you out to have flakes of food on your fingers or your clothes. We've never insisted on you being clean all the time (or even most of the time), so this little part of your personality is especially sweet and unexpected to us.

- You really like talking on the phone. You are happy to turn anything into a phone (a block, a CD, a hair brush, a bottle cap) and carry on full-fledged conversations. You love talking to your daddy on the phone when he's at work and he loves talking to you!

- Your current favorite things are: your blanket (you have one favorite but have 4 or 5 that you are also attached to - this helps me with the laundry), your laugh and learn piano(s), your blocks, your gloworm, and your play phones. Your favorite foods are: apple sauce, sliced apples, green peas, cinnamon graham crackers, and gold fish.

We love you so much, baby man! We can't wait to see you be the best big brother in the world. We are SO blessed to have you in our lives. 

We love you too too much. 

26 Weeks Pregnant!

Owen's movements are changing this week - I can clearly feel his head which is often in my hip or his little feet against my left hip. He usually likes to snuggle against my right side and I'm loving being able to feel him more definitely now. He seems to have his own little schedule of activeness...being really jumpy as soon as I open my eyes, mid-morning, early evening, and before I go to bed. I'm enjoying "predicting" his movements. He doesn't seem to respond to music like Adrian did at this point but I've still been playing to him. He does move to music, but not to the level that Adrian did. 

We had our first trip to Labor and Delivery this week. I have had sciatic nerve pain that was pretty unbelievable with Adrian, but I don't really remember having it until after 30 weeks or so. It has been pretty terrible with Owen so far these past few weeks. On Thursday, I started having aching pains in my right leg which is pretty normal, and then it continued into my thigh/shin bone and then into my foot, making my toes numb. Eventually my right hip went numb with shooting pain in my lower right back and then stretching to the left side. After a few hours I had constant shooting pain down both legs and in my hips. Owen was moving a lot but I was genuinely concerned that I might be dilating or something. We decided to got L&D after calling my doctor and being encouraged to do so. They put me on the monitor for an hour or so and I had no contractions. I learned that this is going to be my "normal" until the end of pregnancy. 

It's starting to get difficult to do every day things since my legs go numb from sitting in the same position for over 3 or 4 minutes, I can barely walk, and am having a lot of trouble sleeping. I'm praying for the Lord to help me change my attitude from feeling overwhelmed to feeling deep acceptance. The pain is truly ridiculous, and I'm reminding myself how quickly I bounced back from this pain with Adrian and that these next 14 weeks are going to go by so so fast and then baby Owen will be here!

I know that this is fleeting, and I'm thankful for the Lord's sweet daily mercies that keep reminding me how trivial this "big" thing is in the large scheme of things.  

It's not THAT bad. 

And. 

It's going to be so so so worth it.

Isaiah 40: 28 "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint".

Look What I Got!

I really really really love deals :) Especially for my babies.

That's why I was really really excited when a friend of mine posted a link to ThredUP on her facebook page - If I signed up through her link, I got $10 credit. 

Sold.

ThredUP is an online kid's consignment store selling gently used name-brand clothes. By sending out my own referral link, I've been able to get all these name brand clothes for my boys for almost free. My heart sings.

Brands are: Disney, Carters, Jumping Beans, Okie Dokie, WonderKids and Hatley. Two of these were BNWT - eeeeek!!

If you want to sign up, go through this link. Yes, you and I will both get $10 credit when you join. Also, customer service is awesome!

25 Weeks Pregnant

I've been less consistent about updating about my pregnancy. Honestly, nothing really huge has happened.

I'm really feeling "pregnant" this week...LOTS of pain in my hip/pelvis area. I ordered a maternity belt that's supposed to help pain in that specific area so hopefully that will help be be able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy with minimal pain.

I had an appointment this week for Owen and he's doing great. So great, that we don't "need" the 28 week 3D ultrasound that we had for Adrian. I'm disappointed that we won't get to see him (we opted out since it's not necessary), but I know we'll be snuggling him all too soon!

Only about 15 weeks till we meet our sweet son! Can't wait! I feel like we're on the downhill part of the roller coaster now - we still have a lot to do and it's going by so fast. Nick's been really helpful and dilligent this week cleaning out the storage room to turn it into Owen's nursery. It's going to be so cute!

My Boys' Favorite Part of Their Day

 ....Daddy's Home!!!

22 Weeks Pregnant!

Lots of good things have happened this week!

-Owen moves all day long. For so long I've been thinking that he was nice and quiet and will be real relaxed, but now I'm thinking that he'll be just as wonderfully crazy as his big brother. I think maybe the reason I couldn't feel him as soon as I felt Adrian is because he's a little higher up and Adrian was so low in my pelvis the whole time.

-I started being able to SEE Owen move on the outside - oh my I love that! Nick can feel him move too and we're both getting really excited. I tried to video it, but it doesn't look as obvious on the video.

-I had my first bout of what I can only describe as pregnancy insomnia. This week I was sick and could NOT go to sleep...no matter what I tried...until 5am. I had to wake up a little after 7. That was a tough day being so exhausted and still being so sick, but I made it through and slept wonderfully last night. Owen was up the whole night too so he kept me company. Nick was very comforting and helpful - he was tired too.

-We found a dresser on lejeuneyardsales.com for our room (Nick had a long one and I wanted him to have a tall one so we can fit the bassinet next to it). The guy was asking a very low price and ended up giving it to us for free! It's perfect. We moved it into Owen's room and soon I'll start organizing all the newborn clothes we have. His room has been used as a storage room so we have a lot of things to go through and try to sell/throw away/put somewhere else. I really like our trailer but it is really inconvenient to have so little storage space. I can't wait to get everything all set up!

 Here's a picture of our boys at 20 weeks - I think their profiles look very similar - especially their noses!

21 Weeks Pregnant!

This has been a good week! Last Wednesday we had a doctor's appointment and got to see baby Owen again. He looked great and the doctor said he's measuring right on schedule. His brain and all his organs and limbs look great too so we're very thankful! My midwife gave me a prescription to help with my migraines and so I've had a pretty pain-free week! Yay!

I've been getting the "nesting" feeling - a little frustrating since I'm only half way through this pregnancy and there's not a whole lot I can do yet! I started my little stash of diapers and things so that we don't have to buy a lot when Owen's born. It's so nice to see those tiny little diapers on the shelf again! Thanks to swagbucks, my payment for working for Cafemom, and great deals on LejeuneYardSales.com, I've spent very very little!

My biggest purchases were:

• Two packs of diapers, a pack of nursing pads, and a 3 pack of pacifiers from Target with gift card (payment from CafeMom). I spent $1.97 after the gift card.
• A new adorable swaddler, new boppy cover, and 2 pack of pacifiers from amazon. Spent less than $2 after using Swagbucks.
• Pack of diapers, pack of nursing pads, car seat strap covers for both boys, socks for Adrian and things for post partem health. Free with Walmart gift card from CafeMom.
• 5 newborn swaddlers for $5 from LejeuneYardSales.com

So, I got a really great start on some things we really needed for less than $10 (worth well over $100) this week! I am still trying to stock up on diapers and other things until December, and this just makes me so thankful that I kept everything from Adrian. The things we "need" are very little compared to how much we needed for Adrian.

We have a lot to be thankful for this week! God has been so good!

20 Weeks Pregnant!

We are half- way to meeting precious Owen Judah (Or maybe a little more than half way, right buddy?). This pregnancy has gone by much faster so far than my pregnancy with Adrian. 

This week, here's what's going on:

-I can feel Owen several times a day now, even when I'm not concentrating on it. He even woke me up yesterday morning with his sweet little kicks.

-I'm craving Chick-fil-A like crazy. Which, apparently, is a very popular thing to be craving as a Christian right now. It's actually pretty ridiculous how often I think about eating it during the day - ugh, so bad!

-I learned to crochet, thanks to my sister, Kays. I made my first baby blanket for Owen and am working on my 2nd. I'm glad December is such a blustery month because he will need to be very snuggly in all his warm things.

-I ordered matching crochet hats for Adrian and Owen. I am nearly brought to tears with the cuteness, but unfortunately Nick doesn't quite understand how adorable they are. Ah well.

 

- I'm very excited that two of my friends expecting in December are also having boys - even though I no longer live in GA, I'm very excited that our boys will "grow up together" over facebook at least. So fun.

-I'm starting to feel very slightly stressed at the thought of getting Owen's room set up (and ours, for that matter) since he will be here oh so soon. Ideally, I'd like to have it all ready by the end of October so that I can focus on being prepared in other ways during November, and have all the holiday things checked off my list. This year, I'm not putting Christmas decorations up at all except for paper and felt homemade decorations that Adrian and I will make "together".

-Most of all, I'm feeling very very grateful and blessed - thankful for how easy this pregnancy has been so I can still give Nick and Adrian my full attention without being in pain (except at night - please keep my migraines in your prayers). Thankful that we still have everything left over for Adrian and there isn't any huge items that we need. Thankful for TWO PRECIOUS BOYS. The Lord is too, too good.

20 week Pregnant Photo

 

 

 

20 week belly progression! Baby boy is growing!

Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.
-- Carrie Fisher

Thoughts on The Colorado Shooting

Early this morning, James Homes walked into a Colorado theatre showing the midnight premier of the 3rd movie in The Dark Knight trilogy and created a massacre - the largest mass shooting in the history of the United States.

All day today, I've had a very heavy heart. Mostly because I know this morning was historic - I remember how I felt about Columbine, I remember how I felt about 9/11, and other similar tragedies and I've never taken the time to write about it in the moment, so as my sweet baby boy is asleep in his head, and my head is filled with silent prayers and confusing thoughts, I come here to sort them out.

12 -14 people dead (according to different sites), 50-70+ wounded (according to different sites). One man, my age, in custody. (There were 13 killed and 21 wounded in the Columbine High school shooting in 1999).

I may not have the most popular viewpoint (in fact, I don't think I've ever publicly written out anything that could be labeled as controversial, but I felt I needed to at least write this on my measly blog), but my first thought was not what I've seen many of my friends sharing on facebook - the, "well, if violence wasn't so accepted in movies, this wouldn't have happened".

My first thought, as I read through the article at seven something this morning, was "oh Dear Precious Jesus, why"? For some reason, I pictured the mental image I often have of Jesus STANDING next to the throne of the father as Stephen was being stoned. No, not at all comparable, but I know our Lord watched it all last night. For some reason, this is comforting to me.

Yes. It's true that violence spurs, or breeds if you will, violence. However, I'm not about to jump on the bandwagon and say that that movie is what caused it. Of course, on the surface, it is. However, I want to remind you that the supernatural relm is as real as the natural realm - there is a war being fought on our behalf alongside the personal, natural fights humans fight within themselves to answer the question - who am I and how do I relate to God?

 Oh, Father won’t You forgive them/They don’t know what they’ve been doing/Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them/Cause I feel like the one losing 

Honestly, my first response to these things my Christian friends and aquaintences have said is a strong feeling of disappointment.  Disappointment that ranting angrily about these things was the first thought acted on, instead of sympathy, prayers, pleading for the lives that have been lost and changed (yes, dare I even think to include the soul of James Holmes). 

Why, does it seem, in matters of extreme conflicting viewpoints, more often then not, it is Christians that are the quickest to judge, with raised eyebrows, glancing down our noses, huffing our "well, if they hadn'ts"?
Why is our first action not falling on our knees in prayer for them - prayer for the strength to share the love that erases all fear, the love that has defeated Evil for eternity?

Just a thought.

"Why do we think that hates going to change their heart/We’re up in arms over wars that don’t need to be fought/Pride won’t let us lay weapons on the ground/We build our bridges up but just to burn them down/We think pain is owed apologies and then it’ll stop/Truth be told it doesn’t matter if they’re sorry or not/Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound/Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down"

-"Losing" by Tenth Avenue North

18 Weeks Pregnant!

We are almost...almost half way! I can't wait to hold this little guy in my arms.

This week -
-heard a strong heartbeat on the doppler for a while - it was 150's. I think Owen was sleeping because he didn't move while I was listening, which is unlike him.
-I think I felt him kick my hand! I'm not quite sure yet so I'm not excited yet :)
-He's still pretty easy-going it seems.
-Please pray for my migraines. I'm having them several times a week and it gets exhausting!

So far, I've been able to get a few of my "bigger" items on my wish list at garage sales. Owen has a medela double electric breast pump, a moby wrap ($40 less than retail and brand new), a new blanket with chewy edges, and I ordered a hand-crocheted teddy bear cap (so cute). So, we're getting ready! Nick and I have been talking about how we want to re-arrange our room to fit the bassinet and we're getting excited.

Crafting for Adrian and Owen

I've been working on making a 3D paper mural for each of my boy's rooms. Adrian's will be farm/forest themed and Owen's will be Safari/hot air balloon themed (I couldn't pick between the two). 

I've been working on these for a couple of weeks - they're tedious because it's free-hand cutting, but it's SO fun! I've been getting my crafty crafty fix.

What do you think? I probably won't be done for several months so there's a lot more to go!

Mud!

What happens when Daddy turns his back for one second?

This: