Thoughts at 11 Days

What a very full 11 days it has been!! I never knew a person could feel a constant rush of so many different emotions at one time.  Being a mom is so much more than I ever dreamed.

Here are some thoughts and things I've learned in the past 11 days:

1. My heart is capable of holding an overwhelming amount of love.

2. I have a very snuggly baby! I'm glad Adrian wants to be cuddled as much as we want to cuddle him!

3. Breastfeeding is hard. Especially when your body thinks you gave birth to triplets.

4. I love shrinking.  I was not a fan of the pregnancy weight gain, and it's nice to see my joints slowly re-appear.  Oh, hello wrists!

5. I'm more in love with Nick than ever.

6. I love watching Adrian smile and giggle in his sleep. Too precious!

7. It's hard feeling like time is already moving too quickly. I wish Adrian would just stay this little for a while.

8. I never thought I could feel so many things at once:  love, vulnerability, exhaustion, helplessness, gratefulness, joy, awe, amazement....

9. No, I can't believe he's mine.

10. I can't wait for the memories we're going to make as our little family.  So exciting!

Adrian's Birth Story

I am so thankful for the Lord’s timing and for how he orchestrated every detail of my labor and delivery of Adrian.

I was scheduled to go to Labor and Delivery Thursday night to be induced if everybody in Jacksonville wasn’t going into labor. I called at 5pm to make sure I could come in, and I was so excited when they told me to head in right away! My sister in law was staying with me and she helped me pack everything in the car and away we went to begin the most amazing night of my life!

Nick was still out of town, but made it to the hospital before they started the cervadil. This was a God thing because the cervadil ended up being worse than the pitocin-induced contractions the following day. Nick was great in providing support through the cramps that offered no relief. My nurse was extremely encouraging that night. Around 11 I was given Ambien (which is supposed to make you sleep through the contractions), but after two hours, it hadn’t touched me. I felt silly begging for relief, but the nurse finally gave me a shot of something in the hip that knocked me out for an hour. I was scared that I would be unable to handle my plan of an epidural-free labor with only an hour of sleep to go off of, but God was good!

My nurse took out the cervadil around 6 am. She told me I was the only one on the floor on which the cervadil had been effective. Yay, it was worth it! It took me from being dilated from 2cm to 4cm.

My midwife broke my water at 9am. I have read and been encouraged to not have my water manually broken, but I knew it would speed up my labor and I would much rather be in pain for a short amount of time than a long amount of time. I was given pitocin immediately and contractions began immediately.

Contractions were 1-3 minutes apart for about 2 hours. I was surprised at the intensity, but also surprised at the relief I felt between them. I was relaxed enough to doze off before being hit with the next one. I was exhausted, but learned that counting through the contraction helped. My nurse encouraged me by reminding me that the beginning and end of a contraction are like bad cramps, it’s just 40 seconds in the middle I had to get through. Breathe in through the nose, slowly let it out. 1. Breathe in through the nose, slowly let it out, 2. I’d count until it was over, and remind myself I was that much closer to seeing my baby boy.

Around 1pm, I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the pain. I kept trying to justify an epidural in my mind, knowing it could possibly slow down the labor, and oh how disappointed I’d be in myself once Adrian was born. But around 1pm, I felt that I literally couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t stop screaming through the contraction and I begged Nick to let me have an epidural. My nurse stayed very calm and assured me that this was not what I wanted and she knew I could totally handle it. She checked me, and told me I was 7cm dilated and 90% effaced. “7 centimeters!!!” I screamed, “there’s no WAY I can go another 3 centimeters!” I felt so exhausted I couldn’t logically explain to myself why I should wait. But, I did. Once he heard I was to 7cm, something clicked inside of Nick and he went into full-force coach mode. I couldn’t have done it without him! He let me squeeze his fingers nearly off through the last contractions that were about 30 seconds apart.

Suddenly, I felt like I could.not.hold.him.any.longer. I really felt that the child was going to fly out of me! The urge to push was overwhelming. Nick was SO excited when I panicked, screaming about how I really, really needed to push RIGHT NOW. In the back of my mind I was scared the nurse would come running in only to tell me that I was in fact NOT ready to push. But, she checked me, and said, “he’s right there honey!” And she ran for the midwife. I had gone from 7 to 10 cm in less than ten minutes. Thank you, Lord!

Several nurses rushed in to prepare my bed for pushing. The midwife was no where to be found and I thought I would have to catch him myself! Nick encouraged me every second. Finally the midwife was found and I was given the go-ahead to start pushing. This part was a little more difficult than I had imagined since I felt so ready to push. I pushed as hard as I could and was getting hardly anywhere for 30 minutes. Finally, my midwife suggested an episiotomy, or otherwise I would tear. I agreed, and Adrian was born seconds later. This was the ONLY part of my birth plan that did not go as planned, and in this situation, I’m glad it didn’t.

My son was placed flailing on my chest at 2:01 PM and I couldn’t stop crying. Nick couldn’t stop crying. I just hugged him and kissed him. I couldn’t believe his little arms and legs and perfect hands. He looked just like Nick. We both were exhausted, but more in love with each other in that moment than we’ve ever been. I’ve NEVER seen Nick so proud and excited. The nurse cleaned Adrian quickly and laid him back on my chest for skin to skin. I couldn’t believe the love I felt for him and I couldn’t believe he was finally here! It was so worth it.

My mom and sister arrived about 8 minutes later. They had tried hard to make it in time for the birth, but Adrian just couldn’t wait! Nick, Andrea, Mom, Kayla and I all got to celebrate Adrian’s arrival in peace for a full hour soon after he was born. I was able to nurse him immediately, and he was not whisked away as I had feared. I couldn’t stop thanking and praising the Lord for how He had moved in SO many ways to bring Adrian healthy with so very few complications.

My son weighed 7lbs 5oz and was 21 inches long. He has brown hair, and most likely brown eyes and the most perfect face in the world. He has been nursing well (something I was afraid wouldn’t happen) and actually sleeps well through the night. It has been precious to watch Nick embrace his role of Daddy. It is truly impossible to describe the love you have for your child from the first second. I can’t believe it.

We are sooo grateful for our "little big gift" God has blessed us with. The Lord has been so good to us and has proven Himself in ALL the details. Thank you, sweet friends and family for your constant encouragement and motivation, advice and listening ears through the journey.

I’m a Mama! Let the adventure begin!

Today is THE day!!

Today is the day! I had a great doctor's appointment this morning (my last pregnant appointment) and Adrian and I are both healthy :) I got to meet the midwife who will deliver him tomorrow. 

She walked into my room, taking charge right away, asking me before she sat down what my "game plan" was.  She gave me a few tips of how to handle the nurses, and let me know that she was much more "aggressive" than most midwives; "I'm not one to just let you labor on and on all day, unless you want that," she told me.  "I'm much more 'let's get this baby out".  She proceeded to let me know that her plan would be to make sure I was moving at all times...whether on the ball, flipping back and forth in bed, in the rocking chair, or standing next to the bed.  This is GOOD NEWS! I thought I would have to "fight" to be able to not stay trapped in bed...but it looks like my midwife will be fighting for me.  I like her.

For those of you who have prayed with me to have Adrian delivered by a good midwife who I feel comfortable with, God has heard and answered!  I go in to begin the induction tonight, and Adrian will be here tomorrow , Lord willing, and I'll update when I can.

41 Week Doctor's Appointment

Today was another great appointment!  I went in for the non-stress-test, which I've never done before, but knew it wasn't a big deal.  I had an ultrasound first, where the tech measured the fluid around Adrian.  Everything was fine there!  Then, I was hooked to the monitor for 20 minutes to make sure Adrian's heart rate went up when he moved.  He fell asleep for a little bit, so we didn't get too much movement, but the big movements he did make were enough to prove that he is perfectly healthy.  So...no stress.

I had the same midwife I had on Thursday, and of course she was great.  She checked me and said that Adrian has dropped significantly lower than Thursday, and my body has progressed enough where I will have no problem being induced on Friday!  This is really good news as all of us are a little done with the waiting game :)

The plan is that I will have another no-stress-test on Thursday morning, and then I will call Labor and Delivery at 5pm Thursday night, when they will tell me when to come in depending on how many women have gone/are going into labor naturally that night.  Once I go in, I will receive medicine to prepare my body for labor.  I should be able to sleep some, although I hope to be able to rest a lot during the day on Thursday.  The doctor should give me pitocin around 6-7am on Friday, and if everything goes okay, Adrian should be here between 4 and 5 pm Friday afternoon!!!

The midwife I talked to today had also had a pitocin-induced labor with no epidural, and she was very encouraging since she knows I am terrified of ending up with a C-section.  She said that Nick will be awesome (I know he will be) in coaching me through the pain and reminding me to relax and breathe.  What an answered prayer that Nick will be there for sure from point A to point B - he's my rock and the sweetest, most encouraging man in the world.  I feel so blessed!

Please pray for us as we prepare, for the doctors, and for my nerves as I'm preparing for the pain.  What a precious prize we will have at the end!  I can't believe my baby will really be here this weekend.  I am SO SO happy!!!

40 Week Doctor's Appointment

I went in for my 40 week doctor's appointment today.  My good friend, Dana, came with me so I wouldn't have to go alone.  I was anxious all last night because I knew I wanted to ask about being induced since I'm now over-due. 

I met with a midwife today that we've never seen before for some reason.  She was great!  I felt very comfortable with her and she was obviously trying very hard to hear me out and do what's best for the baby.  She told me she would induce me if my body was ready, and she would be on-call to deliver Adrian if that was the case.  She checked my progression, and stripped my membranes (OUCH), and told me that while Adrian is fully engaged in the pelvis, I've not progressed enough to warrant an induction that would most certainly end in a c-section.  I feel very encouraged though because I do NOT want a c-section, and am really glad that she was able to tell me that I'm going to be pregnant a little while longer, but my baby and I are safe.

She scheduled me for a non-stress-test next Tuesday to monitor Adrian and make sure he's doing okay being late, and then I am on the schedule for an induction next Friday, the 18th.  SO, at least I know now that I will have my baby here before the end of next week!  And, if I do stay pregnant until the induction, Nick will be there the whole weekend (thank you, Lord!). 

Right now I'm very very sore from this morning, but sooo glad this week went so much better than last week.  My wonderful sister in law will be in town starting tomorrow so we will have a good time and if baby comes, she'll be able to welcome him home with us.  Thank you everyone who's been praying for us! Those prayers have meant so much :)

My Crafty Wednesday

Today I dove into the corner of the back room in our house where I keep all my art supplies.  I haven't done this in a really long time, mostly because I don't really have anything to make a complete project, but I do have a lot of leftover scrapbook paper.  So, here is the result of one bored pregnant woman alone at home in the middle of the week:

I got the inspiration from here, and modified it a bit by using colored card stock paper and hot glue for the whole project instead of brads as suggested.

This was my first flower and I like how it turned out!  I made 5 more:



And here's the finished product!

I brought a little "spring" into the living room.  Very fun :)

Here's some more pictures I took today just because.  Enjoy!

This little guy was outside my window.  I'm glad he stayed long enough for me to get a picture of him!

Lastly, here's Ava begging for my cereal.  She makes me laugh.



I hope all of you are having a good wednesday too!

~Abi

Well, today is my due date!!! How long have I thought this day would never come.  Surprisingly, I feel at peace.  Everything I've wanted to get done is done, and I'm thankful for all the sweet little things the Lord has done for us lately.  This pregnancy has been pretty easy overall...the worst parts have been my gallbladder issues mid-way through the pregnancy, and my pulled muscle at the end of last year.  This last month has been really tough physically, but I know I am no exception from any pregnant woman on the planet! Although, I do have to say that those of us who carry our little ones low from day 1 probably do have it tougher.  Mostly though, right now I feel such excitement! My little baby is going to be in my arms SO soon.  Maybe even by the end of this week! I keep dreaming about him and thinking of how much life is going to change.  Oh, but what a welcome change it is!

Nick is in Winston-Salem this week for the first of four weeks of training for his new job.  This was a little change of plans neither of us expected, but we are so thankful for this job we're doing the best we can to work through this "timing".  Nick found out that his bosses who are in charge of the meeting have no problem letting him leave if I were to go into labor during the week (thank you, Lord).  I have wonderful friends who are on standby, willing to drive me to the hospital and take care of me until Nick arrives.  Really, just these two little things I can count on make me feel so encouraged!  I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, and I'm hoping that if they begin talking induction (apparently this hospital here won't allow a pregnant woman to go past 41 weeks) that they will be merciful and do it on Friday as opposed to the middle of the week next week.  Then Nick can be here and will be able to take us home before heading back to training again on Monday.  So if you're reading this, pray everything works out (obviously, in case Adrian doesn't come on his own on Friday).

I also have a tentative plan for the rest of the month.  My wonderful sister-in-law is planning on spending her Spring Break here with me next week, and I think she comes in on Friday.  If Adrian is here, I know the three of us will have a great time!  The next week, Adrian and I will travel to Winston-Salem to spend the week with Nick, and then the last week of his training, my mom will come pick Adrian and I up to spend a week in GA.  This is a fun thing I didn't expect!  I'm glad my siblings will get to see him before he gets too "old".  So, again, I feel at peace knowing a little more what's going to happen in the next little bit.  We won't be able to establish a routine until the beginning of April, I guess, but that's okay!

Immediately, my current plan is to sit on the couch and not move so Adrian stays in until Friday.  My mom has a friend who promises that oil and balsalmic vinegar on salad induced all her labors, so I believe I will have a giant, greasy salad Thursday night :) 

The journey of motherhood is about to begin...I can't wait!

~Abi

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. The phrase or punctuation I overuse most is ..... I don't know if I have a "catch-phrase" or not, but recently I've said, "yes, yes I'm still pregnant" to all my friends, and "any day now" to the billions of strangers who feel the need to ask when in the world I'm due :)


3. My best friend is...my sweet husband.  We have so much fun together, and every time I think we couldn't be closer than we already are, we fall in love all over again.  I love him SO much!


5. This weekend I am...hopefully going to have a baby!!
 6. Something that worries me....is all the unknowns I have in my life right now.  I don't need to be in control of the situation, but I hate not knowing what's going to happen next.

7. On my night stand you would find....my cell phone, chapstick, tums, cough drops, and a water bottle.  4. A quirky thing about me is.....I hate peanut butter and caramel, women with tiny feet creep me out, I am not good at phone conversations, I don't like sports, and I love decorating our new future house in my head.2. Today I am thankful for.....how the Lord provided for the new Pregnancy center, and our Open House today!

39 Week Doctor's Appointment

We had our 39 week Doctor's appointment today.  We weren't sure we'd make it to this week, but we did!  Everything went well as far as my being on track health-wise, and Adrian's heart beat was strong and healthy as well.  The midwife estimates him to be between 7lbs 4oz and 7lbs 8oz. 

I have made up a birth plan and gave a copy to the doctor today to be put in my file.  We also have copies to bring to the hospital.  It's pretty standard - the main things I'm concerned about are being able to have a med-free birth, making sure everything possible is done to ensure that we don't end up with a C-section.  We see a different midwife every week, and the one we were talking to today is not one of our favorites.  She tends to be pretty negative, and I generally just don't feel completely at ease talking to her.  I don't have to see her very often so it's not a problem, but today was discouraging because she gave me a lot of grief about a part of my birth plan.

Nick and I have chosen not to vaccinate Adrian.  Our birth plan states that we plan to defer the Hepatitis B vaccine given at birth.  In short, we believe there is a link between vaccinations and autism/other neurological disorders.  I don't believe this is the case with every child, but I think genetics plays a huge part in it if a person is genetically pre-disposed.  I don't try to push my opinion on anyone else because I feel we've made a very educated decision about this, and I trust that other moms have done the same thing, whether or not they chose to vaccinate.  I have talked with moms with opinions on both sides of the table and have found reasons to agree with both. However for us, I feel this is the best decision for our child.

Anyways, the midwife asked me to explain my reasons, and when I did she told me about how the one study linking vaccinations to autism had been discredited, the doctor in charge of the study had lost his practice, and all the parents/children involved in the study had been found to be liars.  I know all about the study, and I know it was discredited, however....I think just because that one study was proven invalid, it doesn't mean that what they were trying to prove is an invalid thing.  She then told me that no pediatrician in Jacksonville would take us as a patient and I would have to go out of state to get care for Adrian.  She told me how babies have died of measles, etc.  Basically, she tried very hard to make us feel like ignorant, uneducated new parents.

I very politely explained that this is something I've researched and studied, and while I wasn't trying to be unsafe, I felt we were making the best decision for our child.  It was hard for me because, while I've been warned that I might be treated this way, it was still hard for me to actually go through it. *Sigh*.  

Then she examined me and told me that I was hardly dilated at all and Adrian was still floating, although I was thinned out.  This is frustrating because I know Adrian is fully engaged (he was in the 0 pelvic station last week, and I've been walking a ton since last week.  I was also dilated between a 1 and 2 cm last week. I told her this, and she said she basically couldn't reach far enough to tell how much I've truly progressed.  Oh thanks.  

So I'm trying not to be discouraged.  I know most of how today's visit went was because of the midwife we were working with.  We are praying hard and trusting in the Lord's perfect timing to bring Adrian before Nick leaves on Sunday for his training - but if He doesn't, I know I'll be well taken care of and God will be glorified!  Nothing like today can make me less-excited to have my sweet baby boy here.  I know it will be sooo soon!

***Note: I feel like I need to add this - anyone who knows me knows that one of my joys in life is being with autistic children.  I love working with special-needs kids in general, but autism certainly has a permanent place in my heart now.  If God were to allow Adrian to have autism reguardless of our decision about vaccinations, I would trust His plan and love my son reguardless.  To me, vaccinations is a decision of safety, and personally I do believe they can be dangerous especially when given at an early age.  I just don't want anyone to think that our decision in this matter is based on a fear of special needs - because it is not!

Oh Beautiful March the Second

Today was beautiful! I felt pretty good and got some cleaning done around the house.  We set up more of a little "comfort area" in our room with the rocking chair next to the bassinet and it looks really nice.  We took our cats back to the vet to get their stiches out (quite an adventure), and on the way I decided I wanted to get back out later in the day and take some pictures of the scenery.  We live in the boondocks...and there's not much good about that except it's really pretty! I love taking pictures for no reason.  Here are some of my favorites of the day!